Deep Thoughts by Derek, Valentine’s Day Edition

 I would consider myself a relationship expert, even though my relationships tend to end in unconventional manners. Such as, last call or his parole officer has busted him on a violation. Through my many, many, relationships, I have however amassed a large knowledge on how to prep for the perfect date. Primpin’ aint easy, but here are some steps that will make you irresistible.

(I)  Step one is to make sure you’re hot, much above room temperature, but not boiling.

(II) Next you will want to take the proper steps to smell amazing. Making sure you smell hot and spicy is the key.

(III)  Then you’re going to want to make sure you are properly wrapped in foil, so the bottom half doesn’t fall out while you’re date is enjoying the deliciousness that is you.

(IV) Once these are done, find a full length mirror so thatyou can double check that you are actually a burrito…my ideal date is actually just a burrito.

Sooo, I may have mixed dating up with eating again. I’m more of an expert on eating my emotions, but that’s practically the same thing.  If this advice wasn’t helpful, just book in with the talented hair and makeup artists at Cliptomania. We won’t turn you into delicious Mexican food, but you will look just as tempting when we are done. 

Your Queen of Everything

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