Today I would like to reflect on some actual serious issues. Things affecting our community. I want to address the taboo, controversial fact that Jenessa Miller is the Michelle Williams of the shop.  For a long time I have been silent about being the Beyoncé in this sea of Michelle's, and would like to shed light on this matter. 
First and foremost, Jenessa has never gone on the record stating that she doesn't eat babies. Also last year she said she was 27, this year she's saying she's 28. WHICH IS IT, JENESSA?!? She just can't keep her story straight. So the next time you hear Jenessa call herself Beyoncé in the shop, just remember, she might eat babies. 
Your Queen of Everything
Derek Beyoncé Knowles